GTA V Online Crime Report: Cash Glitch or Rockstar Santa?

PS3 online gaming is not my thing. I have a list of friend invites I haven’t accepted yet, but curiosity about the GTA V online universe got the best of me and I discovered it’s hilariously entertaining without friends. Having no online friends has created a great opportunity to randomly spawn like Doctor Who into different Los Santos universes.

The wannabe gangsters running around virtual Los Santos are fascinating folks worthy of weekly examination while my actual friends… not so much. Besides, no one wants a friend collecting evidence on their terrible GTA V Online playing. So, I’ve taken up the mantle of writing about the insane, hilarious and utterly annoying things that happen to me during my time in the GTA universe, and present it all here weekly for your enjoyment.

Week One Highlights

You suck; here’s $250,000,000.

Rockstar‘s GTA V online cash glitches are cropping up and one player is allegedly modding a robbery to earn billions, then making like Hugo Chavez and giving it away. It wasn’t until I made a bank deposit that I noticed it wasn’t $25,000 given to me, but $250,000,000.

Fascinating, I spawned into a universe where a Santa was doling out hundreds of millions. What do I know about mods and in the few hours I can devote to gaming, I’m not going to spend it modding my experience. At first I thought this was Rockstar leveling the playing field during the holiday season.

Turns out, someone is playing Santa, much to the dismay of the company.

“A user has modified the game to earn billions of dollars of in-game currency for committing robberies. This user has decided to share their collection of wealth with every player that joins his modified game lobby.” Says Examiner.

The Crying Baby Universe

‘Nice kill buddy, but can you please get your crying baby to quiet down.’ Their baby was just screaming in the background over my headset. I’m a terrible shot to begin with, but no one should have to endure someone’s else child (online no less) crying. When he killed me again I retorted with, ‘It’s too bad your parenting skills aren’t as good as your GTA V ones are, have a nice day.’

Excuse Me?

My ‘wash your mouth out with soap’ bounty is my personal favorite. Using hate language during GTA V online could cost you your life. Los Santos has a strong element of homophobia and women hating – it will result in a bounty if I hear it. Get in a verbal spat with me and you’ll find out how your backwater Klu Klux Klan meeting language is going to fail you against my polite, to the point zingers.

Just a Passenger

My hands are busy packing a bowl, buddy, you gotta drive. There’s cannabis consumption in GTA V and when you play with me online, you can experience the virtual version of it too. Waiting in the lobby is the best opportunity for me to medicate to treat my brain tumor and I’ll head to the lobby if I need to medicate. However, sometimes I’m not done before we spawn into a mission. I am the passenger and I ride and ride, but a few times this has resulted in the person stealing my car.